And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
