9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
