Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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