If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
