So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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