Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
