i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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