Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
