I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I have aggressive nipples.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
