are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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