whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
