I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
