"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
