im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
