so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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