And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
