I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
