you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
