and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
