So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
