Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
