i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
