If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
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