We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
