I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
