the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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