with your own penis?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
