dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
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Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
