Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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