would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
