ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
