dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
