hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
