Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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