She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
