I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
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