I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
