she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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