Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
