Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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