just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
