So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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