"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
