Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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