Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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