she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
