yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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