"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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