I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
