I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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